


I only lie when I love you

by gyutumn



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mention of depression and anxiety, MinWon - Freeform, Use of alcohol and drugs, Wonwoo centered, best friend betrayal, meanie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-02 04:42:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16779805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gyutumn/pseuds/gyutumn
Summary: Wonwoo starts 9th grade, just another year of middle school. What he doesn't expect is the amount of things is going to happen in less than a year, such as fall in love, suffer from depression and low self-esteem, passing through a friend betrayal, and thinking he's not good enough to this world, meditating about his life more than he should.





	1. Encounter.

Another _great_ year was about to start. The return to the same classes, the same alumns, in some fields, the same professors… it kind of leaves Wonwoo a bit sad. But he knows it’s his obligation, and he’s still 14, he can’t think about quitting studies already, it’s not his idea tho.

Jun comes to him, running up like a kid and he doesn’t hesitate, not a little, to hug Wonwoo like he hadn’t seen him in months, which is true because they just come from a long vacation. Wonwoo doesn’t have all the confidence to hug him back, because they only met in the corridors two years ago, in fact, they have never coincided in the same class, but the way they met was quite curious; Jun was new to the high school in 7th grade, and he barely know somebody, just three people more who came from the same school as him. Wonwoo doesn’t know why, nor how, but he started talking to Jun one day, out of nowhere, just joking about something he found funny and he just commented, in a low voice, but was enough for Jun to hear him. The next week, Wonwoo brought a muffin to him since his mother was a great cook, and Jun couldn’t be happier. They met everyday in their way of going to class after having lunch. One day, someone from Wonwoo’s class stole his phone, he thought the world was about to end just because someone stole his phone, he felt the anxiety going through his veins, he tried not to cry in front of his class, and he didn’t, but he was crestfallen, he didn’t even participate in the last 2 classes. His parents already told him it was his fault for bringing the mobile phone to class, and he knew they were right, but all kids brought it, so why he couldn’t? He suspected from someone, a girl who didn’t like Wonwoo too much, to be honest, and he doesn’t know why yet, at least she isn’t with him anymore since she move to another city. Jun saw Wonwoo’s face when they were leaving school, so he asked, Wonwoo even told him who he thought it was, and Jun, _freaking_ Wen Jun Hui just walked toward the girl, screaming her name and telling her to give back what she had stolen. The mobile phone was never back since Wonwoo stopped Jun from coming up with a fight or something like that.

They weren’t great friends, but god, that meant a lot to Wonwoo.

‘’Excited for the new curse? We are in the same class!’’ Jun speaks, happily. He’s always happy.

Most of Wonwoo’s friends went to another high school, and the one he has left, was in another class. He still knew some people from his class, but yeah, just knew.

‘’Well, I’m not very excited about going to class another fucking year, but… at least I got you with me.’’ God, that sounded in another way, and, of course Jun is smiling like a kid when he opens his christmas gifts. ‘’Don’t misunderstand me.’’ Wonwoo says before Jun is about to freak out or thinking in another way.

‘’I’m not misunderstanding you, but you don’t often say things like that, do you?’’ No, he doesn’t. He doesn’t find the way or the reason to do it, so he barely split words like that.

Wonwoo denies with a head movement, releasing from Jun’s arms as good as he can, and he make it.

All the classes were the same bullshit. Just professors telling who they are, what they were gonna teach in the curse and all that stuff that nobody cared about. Oh, and the mobile phone thing. Wonwoo wishes someone had paid him for everytime he heard ‘’Bringing the phone to class is illegal. If we see your mobile phone, we will take it from you.’’ Blah, blah blah.

But hey, at least he made new friends. Not really made, because he knew the both of them from going with them to english classes, but he didn’t talk to them a lot in his life. They also don’t have the same age as Wonwoo. They’re in a inferior curse, and he only meets them in english class since their high school decided to separate the alumns in different levels, which is a fucking liberation, because Wonwoo was boring in all classes, the teacher explaining things so easily and low for those who weren’t really great at the language. There it was four levels and Wonwoo was in the most superior one, well, it’s not something strange since he has like a knack with languages, he’s also good at german, tho he only has C as grades since he doesn’t open the book in his house, and he really hates his teacher. Jus the first day, she decided to send a message to Wonwoo’s parents for barely breathing. Perhaps he was messing around a bit, but it was the first day, who the hell is that bitter to do that? Only his german’s teacher, yep.

‘’You guys play lol, right?’’ Wonwoo asked when the four of them were together.

‘’I’m not really good at it, but I play it.’’ Jun said, playing with a pencil. He can entertain himself with whatever thing he has in his hand, really.

Ming Hao gives them a confusion look. No, he doesn’t know what league of legends it’s, and Mingyu hums happily. ‘’Yes!’’ He said, kind of excited.

‘’Oh, do you remember last year? When you had lot of marks from the pen in your arm and I said you looked like this skin of Tribal Ashe?’’ Wonwoo laughs at it, and Mingyu laughs with him, remembering the moment aswell. ‘’Tribal Mingyu!’’ Yes, that was the name Wonwoo gave to that aspect from Mingyu.

Mingyu always had some part of his body painted or marked with whatever shit. One day, he just took a marker and started to outline those lines from his hand, it made him look like a character from a comic. ‘’It’s inspired in a game style. It’s called Borderlands.’’ Mingyu said, showing his hand to Wonwoo. ‘’They have all their body with these kind of lines, it’s cool.’’ And he was back at drawing lines in the other hand.

‘’How do you play that game?’’ Ming Hao asks as he feels apart from the conversation. It’s not that he doesn’t play videogames, he does, but not in computer, it’s not his thing.

‘’There are the rival team and your team, which consists of five people each one. Everyone has a specificated lane, top, mid, bot or jungle. There are two people playing in bot, the carry and the support. And there are a lot of champions to play with, but you can’t take the champion you want and drag them to the mid or whatever lane, well, you can, but it’s not appropiated, only professionals can do that. And people who knows how to play with that champ.’’ Wonwoo speaks as he remembers how he pulls Lulu to whatever lane he wants. It felt great when he beat a Darius. And a diamond Lee Sin. He isn’t someone who talk a lot, but he does love talking about games, so here he is. ‘’And then there are a lot of towers, you must destroy them as well you need to kill the enemy. Killing the enemy isn’t something really necessary to win the game but… everyone do it.’’ He continues, shrugging his shoulders off.

‘’I think I understand it, maybe I’ll play someday with you.’’ Ming Hao said shyly, a soft smile staring in his face.

Wonwoo arrives home, with Jun, Ming Hao and Mingyu’s numbers saved in his phone. He notices that Jun already made a group chat in Kakao with the four of them, and of course, he spam the whole chat with a lot of stupid emojis and words without sense at all, which Wonwoo replays with a ‘’…’’ and Mingyu with a laugh emoji, the one who has tears of laughing too much. Wonwoo hates emojis so much, god.

Mingyu: Somebody wants to play???

Why does he have to put so many question marks.

Wonwoo: me.

Ming Hao: :(

And Jun… they don’t know where is Jun, so it’s just Mingyu and Wonwoo playing, alone.

Mingyu suggested Wonwoo about going to Discord, it was clear he was going to ask, the game requires communication between teammates, and if you are premade, it’s logical to have a call with your partner. Wonwoo agrees, and they go to a private call. Just the two of them. Wonwoo has a server, Mingyu has a server, but they decided to go on private, god knows why. Mingyu just called Wonwoo and he accepted the call. The situation was quite uncomfortable, and Wonwoo didn’t talk a lot, only for the important stuff, or things like ‘’Jungle is going to top.’’ Since Mingyu was playing that position, while Wonwoo was in mid.

They play two matches, and Wonwoo decides it’s enough since he must study.

What a liar. What the heck is he going to study? They didn’t even started the first page of any book. Before Mingyu could figure that out and ask him what the hell is he saying, Wonwoo already hung up the call, leaving a big sigh escaping out from his mouth as he removes his earphones.

He was very tensed all the time they have been playing, and Wonwoo doesn’t know why. Yes, he knows he is a mess and he doesn’t have that confidence to talk to someone a lot in their first conversation, but this was another level, and this wasn’t their first conversation ever.

Wonwoo finds his place on his bed, starring at the white ceiling while his mind comes up with a lot of thoughts, mostly of them about what happened, and about Mingyu himself. He then remembers last year’s english classes. He remembers how he found Mingyu an amazing person, he was always kind with him and telling him the stuff the teacher just said when Wonwoo zoned out or when he was just distracted writing fictional storied in the end of his notebook. He remembers how he always tried to take the sit behind Mingyu’s, just to talk to him whenever he could, which was a freaking dare since the teacher always was bad-tempered or he really found silly talking to him, thinking he could bother the younger. He also remembers having kind of a crush of him. Oh, dear Odin, why? It wasn’t like he liked Mingyu or something, but he enjoyed _too much_ that 50 minutes per day from Monday to Friday near the younger.

He already forgot about all that stuff in summer, until now. Wonwoo just laughs at it, thinking is pathetic and it’s not a big deal. He doesn’t like Mingyu, he is just a shy person who needs time to be comfortable with the other person to talk to them peacefully and without freaking out or making long silences, giving all the tension to the conversation.

Yes, he is just shy.


	2. Sick of This.

It has been a month since classes started, it’s already March, almost April, and the spring is more than noticeable for Wonwoo’s organism, and for everyone’s. People get insane in this time, like something hits them and made them act like stupid people, it appears some cringey couples and also some exams. Flowers bloom and everything seem so beautiful, like an anime movie. It’s that period when Wonwoo feels stressed and also sick as hell because of his allergy to some flowers.

‘’Have you studied for biology exam?’’ Jun asks, taking his seat, next to him.

‘’I did but… I don’t think I’ll pass, and if I do, it will be with a C.’’ Wonwoo replies, tracing some random lines in a paper.

‘’You don’t like biology too much, right?’’ Jun asks again, staring at Wonwoo’s work, if you can call it like that.

‘’I find it interesting but… it’s not for me, you know? People have their preferences over things, you can like biology, physic, maths, or you can like literature, foreign languages… or you can like art, graphic design...’’ He was about to continue, but Jun cuts him off.

‘’Yeah, I get it, you don’t like biology and you like other stuff, okay Wonwoo. I’m chinese but I can still understand you.’’ He said with a big smile, setting free a giggle at the end.

And just like he predicted, Wonwoo fails his first biology exam. But it doesn’t matter to him, not too much, he hopes he can pass the next one.

Wonwoo’s life it’s not that interesting. People at his age already start going to small parties in whoever’s house, or just go to the park to drink some beer until they get that drunk that some of them pass out, or until the police come because neighbours were so pissed about these teenagers. It’s, of course, the age where Wonwoo should, at least, go out, go to the cinema with his friends or something, but the thing is, Wonwoo only have Jun, Ming Hao, Mingyu and his friend from another school; Hong Jisoo.

He met Jisoo last year, in his class. He was a year older, one of those people that needs to take the curse again because they hadn’t do great last one. Wonwoo discovered that the older has the same likes as him, such as enjoying watching animes or playing videogames, in fact, Jisoo introduced League of Legends to the younger, and they played together, although Jisoo wasn’t that good, Wonwoo still had fun playing with him. They shared some facts about their lifes, Wonwoo met Jisoo’s parents, at first only his mum, because his father worked in another place, then he learned that Jisoo suffered from depression and anxiety, and that he sometimes paid that with his own self. Wonwoo didn’t know how to react, because he hadn’t faced ever to some situation like that, of course he watched this kind of happening in films, but he hadn’t experienced it in real life, so he just encouraged Jisoo to keep on going, and to not give up, because he still has a lot of time to recover and to do all the stuff he wishes to do.

And that’s how they became best friends, and since they don’t see each other faces everyday like last year, they have to meet, and that’s the only time when Wonwoo left his house, if he does, because most of the time is Jisoo who comes to visit him, and he often spends the night sleeping in Wonwoo’s house, mostly of the reasons because Jisoo is sad, and he can’t stand his mother since he has some big problems with her.

‘’Ah, Jisoo!’’ Wonwoo reacts as he sees his best friend opening the door of his room, leaving his eyes from the game he is playing for mere seconds. ‘’Has my mother opened the door for you?’’

‘’Yup.’’ He admits as he takes a seat in Wonwoo’s bed, watching him play as soon as he's comfortable on the matress. ‘’I thought if I called you to the phone, you wouldn’t pick it up, besides,’’ He points at Wonwoo’s phone. ‘’You have it turned back down so…’’

Wonwoo lets out a laugh, he knows he’s a mess when it comes about his phone. It’s always on silence and, as Jisoo said, turned down, but when he’s out, he always has it in his hand. It doesn’t have a midpoint.

‘’I’m sorry.’’ He says as he turns back, facing Jisoo once he finished that match.

Jisoo smiles at him, crossing his legs. ‘’How’s everything? Is school going well?’’

Wonwoo thinks for a moment. How’s everything? It is okay? It is bad? Just… there? How is it? He doesn’t know how to respond, because he’s not getting the best grades, and he sometimes has this kind of mental breakdowns, or fights with his mum, he then thinks it’s only his age, nevertheless, he doesn’t feel well at all. ‘’All good.’’ He finally replies. ‘’I made some friends, do you know Jun? The guy I talked to sometimes last year? He’s going to my class now.’’ The older also knew Jun since Wonwoo and him were inseparable, and Jisoo would often fool around with Jun, so they had this kind of chemistry, stupid chemistry as Wonwoo likes to call it, because they both like stupid memes, and specially dank memes, and they both laugh at things no one would laugh.

‘’Oh, really? Then you’re not alone.’’

‘’I’m not, I also have other friends…’’ He first thinks of Mingyu. Why the hell he has to think about him _first._ ‘’What about you? Did you make some friends?’’ He doesn’t know if it’s okay to ask that since Jisoo is very shy at firs, but something deep into his heart just… push him to say that.

‘’Actually, I have some friends, yep!’’ He comments, overjoyed about it, and Wonwoo suddenly feels a relief. He’s proud that his best friend is doing great in other placer without him, because he knows Jisoo can become very dependant on someone, and that current someone is Jeon Wonwoo. ‘’There are some guys who have the same likes as me, and they’re kind so… I’m happy I just found people who accepted me.’’

‘’Of course they would accept you, there are a lot of people in this world with the same thoughts and likes as you, idiot. Don’t undervalue you.’’ Wonwoo is always saying that phrase to Jisoo, it's like a ''Hello'' to someone. He knows how fucked up is Jisoo's mind, how it would make him think stupid things that aren't real at all, or that doesn't make sense, so there is him, always trying to help him with whatever thing, although Wonwoo is not very good with words to encourage someone, he still tries his best, and it seems Jisoo can get out of the way like that, for the moment.

They spent the afternoon and night like that, talking about their lifes, fooling around and watching random videos, or taking turns to play Aram mode in League of Legends. It’s nothing compared to what the other teenagers at the age would do, but for Wonwoo feels okay, and he hopes Jisoo feels the same.

Months keep going, nothing apparently has changed, Wonwoo continues to be… the Wonwoo he has always been, a guy with a bunch of insecurities and with low self-esteem, a guy who thinks a lot about every-freaking-thing, a guy who merely talk with his parents or share info about his life with them.

Wonwoo just grew like that, whether other kids would be playing with their parents or older siblings, he was just playing by himself, even when he played Monopoly, he played it alone. It was so sad and yet funny when he thinks about it, and he realises that he’s totally the opposite of what he was when he had 9 years. He was always giving hugs to everyone, always smiling and commenting about whatever stuff, making friends wherever he went, he remembers that time when he travel to Busan, exactly to the beach, and he met a girl from Britain. Wonwoo only knew to say ''Hello'' and to count until... ten, so it was a mess trying to talk with her, but he had so much fun. When he arrived home that day, he noticed that he didn't even ask for her name. Nowadays, he’s a silent person, of course he smiles, but not like back then, he doesn’t give hugs, he doesn’t like human contact too much, and he prefers to keep almost everything to himself. He doesn't have that ease to make friends or to be friend of whoever because he tends to be in disagree with almost all the people he knows. Yes, he changed a lot.

‘’Why are you not listening to me?’’ His mother speaks, rising her tone, as she always does. Wonwoo’s mother… well, is another world. He always try to be patient with her, and in fact, he has never lost it with her, but he’s anticipating the day where that happens. Wonwoo’s mother is a sweet woman, funny between the people at her age, especially with elderly since she owns a bakery and most of the customers are about 50-80 years. But sometimes… she can get mad at whatever thing, the most minimum nonsense, and she’ll pay it with literally everyone, treating everybody around her like if they owe her something. She finds imperfection in every little thing and she takes advantage of the mínimum wrong thing or detail to shout at someone, and well, that person is often Wonwoo. He never asked her, but it’s like if she just knows Wonwoo is a teenager who’s going through The Phase, and it looks like she’s just tempting him to make him angry aswell and get into a fight with him.

Wonwoo is mature and he knows if he replies to his mom, the shit’ll be fucked up for several days, and god, he really _hates_ her when she’s in that mood, so he prefers to remain in silence, just listening to the stupid stunts she keeps saying until she’ll realise that her son is no longer listening to her.

‘’I am listening to you.’’ He almost whispers.

‘’Goddamn Wonwoo, you don’t do anything in this house, what the fuck! Don’t you know that I have things to do in work? Don’t you know that I’m older to do some things? And you don’t give a fuck! You don’t even know how to wash the dishes!’’ But he knows. He knows to do a lot of things, but he doesn’t do shit because he’s lazy, and because he spends the mornings in school meanwhile in the evenings he’s studying or playing, but his mother seems to not understand that he has priorities aswell.

He just looks at her until she gets tired of this stupid fight, which has born because he didn’t attend a customer when his mother was talking through the phone. Nothing to do with the amount of things she just shouts at him.

And like that, he goes to his room, and he starts to cry, and he doesn’t know why the hell he’s crying, because this is a fight without importance, but he feels like he cannot bear this anymore. He feels like the world is going down in every single way. He starts to think about all the arguments he has had with his mom this month, he thinks about all the bad grades he’s achieving, and suddenly, he thinks of Mingyu.

He thinks about playing with him for a while, listening to his deep voice or to his swearwords, and then suddenly his mother will shout at him, telling to not say those things. He thinks of his perfect smile with those cute fangs and he feels more sad. He doesn’t know why he’s thinking about Mingyu and he doesn’t even know why this thought makes him sad until the point of crying more and more, until he buries his face into the white pillow he’s hugging so hard.

‘’Wh… why?’’ He barely murmurs.

Why is this happening to him and why he knows this is going to drive him bad, very bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to post this days ago but someone doesn't always feel like writting so it took me some more time, and since english isn't my first language is a bit more complicated to me, but here it is. I know the chapters are like too short, but I'll try to make them longer as I keep writting this, this story has a lot of top moments, but it's just starting, and with this chapter I wanted to make a view of Wonwoo's life, maybe like that you'll understand what will happen in a future.


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